payback is hell

So, where were you at 2:53 this afternoon?

I, friends, was crawling out of a window.

Back story - in a recent text to our parents, I wrote: "Your eldest grandson is in solitary confinement. Lock on the outside of his door and a potty pass when necessary. The little $&;! smuggled five snack (cookie) pouches and a bowl of fruit into his room and stole my iPad from the charger beside my bed. Found him watching a movie with cookie trash all around him and a chocolate mustache. Game on."

Now I admit to a few hormonal outbursts, but this pattern of behavior (and the methods used to reach such ends) breaks umpteen house rules and pushes almost every button I have. I was done. I recognize a door lock is drastic; I was desperate.

Fast forward to today, after enjoying some peaceful quiet-time, I decided to go up and get Peter early. Just before climbing into his bed for a story, he opened his door, locked it and closed it again. Smiling. @&;!

Davis was waking up and I could not get to him. No phone. Couldn't jimmy the top hinge. Couldn't find any small sharp objects (mother of the year) to pick the lock. Peter was full of "ideas" until I banished him to the top bunk to think. I then crawled out of Peter's window - into the snow - without a jacket - and jiggled every doorknob and window. To no avail. I knocked on neighbors' doors to call Hayes. Nobody was home. I crawled back through the window to warm up and attempt to settle Peter, who was both wildly excited by the adventure and a little confused by the crazy woman crawling in and out of the house.

In a last ditch effort, I thought that maybe the contractor's key was still out there. Nope. But I did have the sense to check all the drawers and cabinets on the screened porch and I found a very old key. Unsure if it even belonged to our locks, I held my breath and gave it a turn.

Thank you, sweet Jesus.

Boys were safe and I finally had access to a restroom. Clearly, we will be re-evaluating our "security measures," both inside and out. Not exactly the results we had in mind.

(sigh)

I can laugh now.